Wake UP and Smell the Birthday Cake! (Day 4: 3/4/10)

What's the good news?

Hey everyone. I'm going to go straight to the point today. This could be my very first almost negative day. I mean I feel good, and nothing is wrong with me, but circumstances have made themselves present to challenge me.

So Saturday is my birthday. Yup, yup, Delia-dearest will be turning 20 years old! (So old! So young?) I was excited to have a calm dinner with my family. That's pretty much all that I wanted to do, and I've just realized why. Well sort of. Long story short, it got canceled because some people couldn't show up. (And actually, it isn't even canceled, it's more or less postponed. But I digress.) So instead I get to invite friends to a small get together. That's awesome! But the more I think about it...I don't really have that many friends to invite. I have one person in mind who can probably come...and then my older sister, and that's it.

GOAL #5 Make friends who are supportive, positive, like-minded, and honest.

Looks like this one's been called out, hasn't it?

Let me just say, that last year I went through some tough times, which involved me drawing back from people. At that time I felt that my friends had their own new lives, and I was busy wallowing in my own self-pity. Nobody had time or care, to wonder how I was. (That's how I felt at the time) This thinking slowly, very slowly, evolved into me realizing that I didn't really like myself. So I took a long amount of time to relearn myself, and start liking the company of myself.

It worked. But looking from a different angle, I see that this has also been another reason for me to distance myself from my friends. I'm in a re-awakening state, and I feel that I'm on a completely different level from the people I used to hang out with. Which, I have been informed, happens to everyone at some point. I COULD be sad about this. I don't really feel close enough to anyone that I would want to share my 20th birthday with. (the only few people I do feel that close to, are very busy.) That's why I felt most comfortable just having a dinner with my family. At least, that's what I'm thinking right now.

I COULD be sad about this. I COULD be feeling lonely.
But instead, right here, and right now as I type this, I'm going to choose to LET IT GO.

My Daily Affirmation for the day is: I attract only happy, great experiences to myself.

I want that to be true. I'm willing it to be true. So I have to let that go. All of that stuff that happened last year, it doesn't matter. Whatever happens tomorrow, whoever decides to show up, whoever I feel will be my friend tomorrow; none of that matters!

How do I FEEL RIGHT NOW? That's what matters. I have a test in thirty minutes, but that doesn't matter either. How do I feel, right now? I feel calm. I feel peaceful. It's sunny outside, and I find it beautiful.

I just saw someone who is friendly to me, and I smiled because I genuinely meant 'hello, how are you?' It's quiet in this library that I am blogging in. It's peaceful. I feel good.

That matters. So here I go: I am imagining a big, red door in front of me, that opens up to nothing but sky and clouds in a silent forest. I am taking all of that pent up feeling: the loneliness, the regret, the thoughts of 'oh, nobody has time for me...' all of that. I ball it up and tie a pretty yellow bow on it. I lift my foot, and kick it right out of that door. I'm letting it fly through the threshold, and unravel into the sky. The yellow bow unties and all of those feelings fall apart and disperse.

I close the door and it's over. I'm done. And guess what? I feel much better now than when I started typing.

I guess the point is to start looking up releasing methods that will help. Letting go of negative things is detrimental to your growth. You have to learn to let things go. You'll never get anywhere with grudges, or depression, simply wallowing around feeling sorry for yourself; it's not going to work. (More on Releasing methods later)

Let it go, and let it go now. You'll feel better.
I know I do! I feel awesome right now!