Memories! (Day 37: 4/6/10)

What's the good news?

Boy am I sleepy. Woke up early so that I could Ace another Art test. (I know I did ^_^) I had a pretty good day at school today, and it is no surprise that the Earth has blessed us with such another beautiful day! I could used to this!

So I have memories today. I would love to share with you and explain what's going through my head on this amazing April evening!

Fair warning for those of you who aren't fans of romance. I am about to get real nostalgic and possibly mushy. I can't help it, I'm a girl! Haha! Anywho, yeah.

So I was relaxing in the library this morning, and a fellow walked by and made me think of this kid I had a crush on when I was younger. I remember it was one of those huge crushes you get when you were in elementary school when you are 100% sure that that boy is going to marry you, and you'll live happily ever after...just as soon as he realizes that girls are not icky.

Interesting subject, because I really haven't though about any of those little boys since I had my high school relationship that lasted almost 3 years. It's amazing how I just completely forgot about this guy, even though I liked him so much!

I met him in the 4th grade, I think. He had a lot of friends, but he wasn't a part of the escalating "popular crowd". I thought he was a cutey, and he picked on me, so I was sure he liked me too. Then I had him in homeroom again when I was in the 8th grade. There he was a little more withdrawn, but he still kind of picked on me. I didn't really have such a crush on him by that point, but there was always something special about him.

Have you ever met a person that you knew absolutely nothing about them, but at the same time, you felt like you knew their soul? Like you knew how the clockwork inside of them turned. I felt like that. I felt like even though we weren't really friends or anything, I felt like we were connected in some way. I didn't realize it then, but I can't deny it now. I felt so close to that boy, and didn't know one thing about him other than his name!

Realizing this, I decided to look his name up on facebook, you know, just to see if he was still around. You know, because most people you can't view their info unless you're friends with them. But amazingly, his was not the case. (I'm shocked he even HAS one.) I was reading his profile, and I felt that connection to him again, it was so amazing. I didn't add him, I don't feel like I need to, we don't really know each other, I mean we talked, we were acquaintances, but after middle school I never heard about him again. (And when I talk about this 'connection' with him, do not think I am stalking him or something. It's not that kind of connection. Perhaps I knew him in a past life or something. I think so.)

So the most awesome part of all this was his shout out to his girlfriend. He described her in such a cool way. The more I read, the bigger my grin got, and this to you I swear. I am pretty sure here that I am a changed woman! I mean, regardless of whether I still currently like someone or not, in the past if I caught wind of them have a happy relationship, I SWEAR I would go ape doo-doo. I would be so jealous. Either jealous because I still liked the guy, or jealous because he moved on and was happy without me. Now I just feel really happy for the other person. As with the case with this guy, I felt so unbelievably excited to read about how happy he is!

In short, letting go of bitterness is one of the best decisions I have ever made in my entire life.

You know, I have affirmed and decided to open myself to love every day, and by remembering this, I think I am doing just that. It took me such a long time to get over the bitterness I felt in my heart from my most recent relationship (and also my first serious relationship). Letting this guy control my life (whether either of us were aware he did or not) was completely eating me up inside.

I feel so absolutely blessed to have found a way to break free from all that. I haven't just forgiven him and myself, but now I feel so thankful for the many things I got from that relationship. I feel happy for him that he has love in his life. In doing so, I am inviting love into my own life. It feels great.

I really wish that I could meet that guy again. He's far away, so it is unlikely. But If I had the chance to speak face to face with him right now, I would hug him. I would tell him thank you, over and over again for helping me realize what I have and what I'm working myself toward. Memories of him, and catching up on him currently, has made me realize just how far I have come.

And it keeps getting better.