Retrospect and this day that won't end (Day 42: 4/11/10)

What's the good news?

Hi all, chatting with you live again from my bedroom. I just want to say, here's how you know I am authentic here. I am not offering you the world of knowledge through my know-all and be-all step by step procedure here. I am sharing with you what I am experiencing these 100 days, hoping that it might inspire you to give it a go. (Because it works, and you can have it work in your favor) It takes time. I realized that today as I went through a day full of negativity, resulting in feeling very sad.

It goes all back to yesterday. If you didn't read my previous post, I went out clubbing and, yes I had a good time. But I felt like the confidence I had been building all this time just left me right when I needed it. I felt the old, shy me take over, and I didn't let myself have the amount of fun I could have. These thoughts kept plaguing me all day and I felt the spiral. Oh, you nasty spiral, you. I didn't want to go to work, and then I ended up getting stuck in abominable traffic, and while in traffic I was being made fun of by a bunch of misfits in a nice looking car. Then I got to work and many many people were there, and there was just so much to do. One thing, after the next, and all I had to do was stop focusing on how embarrassed I felt about yesterday. I couldn't let it go, and it showed in a big way.

I'm not going to say that I wish I could go back to last night and do it all again, because I do not. I want to be right where I am, right now. I recognize the problem and I am determined to fix it, and after a pep talk from a very positive influence in my life, a mentor if you will, I realized something.

That confidence never left me. Sure I work so hard to build it, and it wasn't at a level that I may have expected it to be, but thinking back, would I have even GONE to the club in the first place a year ago? No. Would I have gone 42 days ago? Probably not. If I had, would I have even set foot on that dance floor? Absolutely not. I know exactly what I would have done. I would have jokingly done goofy moves once or twice before finding a nice spot on the wall to make best friends with.

I should be proud of myself--I AM proud of myself for what I did yesterday/this morning. (haha) This is once of those "slow cooker" moments that Shay Carl talks about in vlogs. Time and pressure. That's all I need to get where I'm headed with this. I can go back and be myself, let loose and dance the night away without a care in the world of who's watching me! I just need to build more confidence onto the stockpile of confidence that I already have going for me.

So there's a new goal for myself. I choose to turn the how and the when over to the universe. I don't have a clue when and how I will gain the confidence to go back out there and show myself what I've got, but it doesn't matter. I already have it, see? It's mine for the taking and now all I need to do is sit back and allow it to happen. Meaning I have to believe it is mine. So I will, so I do.

As for this less than perfect day I've had, well it made me realize how much more I need to delve into Releasing strategies. If I had the proper releasing technique today, this morning, I probably would have had a much better day. So I am off to find out more about releasing techniques. I even thought about making up some of my own while at work today. It gave me an idea for a HUGE project, that will take lots of time, help, and possibly money? I will wait and see how that unfolds. You'll be first to know what's going to happen with it, promise.

On that note, I feel so much better now. Despite the icky day, despite the strands of feeling embarrassed, despite whatever. First, that pep talk really cheered me up, and blogging to you is the cherry on top. I feel renewed and honored to share all of this with whoever may read it. I stopped living in whatever happened yesterday, and instead I choose to be happy right now. Blogging is officially my happy place!

Thanks for reading!

I am off to meditate to refocus on what I'm heading for!